Monthly Archives: November 2011

How to Backcomb Your Hair And Not Look Like Snookie

November 30, 2011

This is Emily. She is about to become your hair’s new best friend.

Not really. You’re far too late. I’ve already dibbsed her as my hair’s new best friend. Guess you should work on your speed work.

There’s a reason Emily and my hair are now wearing the two parts to a BFF charm necklace. Thursday something magical happened. Emily taught me to do my hair. Yes. At the age of 25, I learned to do my hair.

Better late than never.

Please tell me there are others out there. Girls who are girly in the sense that they have to pretend to know what’s going on while watching football, and secretly channel Marilyn Monroe when putting on lipstick, and love a good chick lit novel–but somehow missed out on Basic Woman School. You know, where you learned how to put on eyeliner and wear high heels longer than two hours and make your hair look good.

Have mercy I cannot do my hair.

Recently Emily took pity on me. Let me tell you a few things about her. First off, she’s hilarious. Like really, really funny. Second off, her hair always looks amazing. Like shampoo commercial amazing. Third, she can wear  mens plaid shirts and look completely pulled together.

Try not to hate her. Because she’s here to help.

Back combing is a big thing here in Utah. Literally. There’s an amusement park just north of Salt Lake that I like to think of as the Bump-It Capitol of the world. Girlfriend could hide a hamster in all that mess.

But if done right, backcombing can be awesome.  You can fake all kinds of amazing body and lift! You can hide your egg shaped head! You can do lots of other stuff that require exclamation points! (I am generally frugal with these, but good back combing really is awesome.)

!

Emily, bless her, has agreed to demonstrate her sophisticated ratting techniques on camera. Here are a few things I learned:

  1. Use a fine toothed comb
  2. Work with small sections of hair
  3. Back comb hair along the shape of your head (if you’re backcombing the hair right above your ear keep your comb’s teeth pointed towards that spot, not slanted towards front of head, etc.)
  4. Back comb with circular motions.
  5. Comb down the top layer of hair so your hair looks smooth on top.

Emily demonstrates here. 20111110_195514 (If your video is choppy you can right-click the link and save it.)

Is your hair looking for a new best friend? Call Emily. She’s a genius. She works at Salon MC in Salt Lake City. Email her at Emily.Matthews@gmail.com.

Just do it.

Now get out there and work your hair ladies. Next up: How to CURL YOUR HAIR. Brace yourselves. I’ve been walking around with sexy wavy hair for the past 4 days.

The Sexiest Man Alive

November 23, 2011

First things first. This is Ryan.

You’re welcome.

And now for the obvious: WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG!

Isn’t it dreamy?

I’ve been a bit absent the last few weeks as we’ve been trying to get this fabulous new design underway. We’re almost there. But I couldn’t wait anymore. I have about 30 post ideas a day and they’re starting to really gum up my brain.

Plus I really feel the blogging world needs my opinion on People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive 2011 nomination. Now, I’m sure this is way more information than you’d really like to have, but I’d have to say that over 94% of all my daydreams consist of me busting some kind of awesome dance moves and wowing everyone around me in a variety of settings (think Cameron Diaz in Charlie’s Angels). The other 6% consist of Ryan Gosling, Taylor Lautner (hair short, shirt off), and Patrick Swayze in the late 1980′s maybe singing “She’s like the Wind…”

Sorry, David. Maybe I won’t tell you about this post.

So imagine my surprise when in the checkout line this week I saw this cover:


Bradley Cooper.

Huh.

My immediate thought was: It should have been Ryan Gosling, but whatever.

The next day on the radio I heard that many other people had had the exact same thought but simply couldn’t let it go. In fact, groups of people have been protesting outside of People’s magazine’s HQ’s because they think he was robbed.

It was a weird feeling to realize that I am 100% in agreement with a bunch of crazed fans standing around the streets of NYC with Ryan Goseling masks on.

America, I’m completely with you on this.

So what’s your opinion? Who should have won? Cooper? (Said in bored tone to trombone overtones of “wah, wah, wahahahahah”…) OR, Ryan Gosling. You know, the one who was so amazing on The Notebook (banned from our household because David claims it makes me go “crazy.” Whatever.). Or the Ryan Gosling of Crazy, Stupid, Love that did that Dirty Dancing move that would have worked on me lickety split?

Chose the right. I believe in you.

Almond Joy Oatmeal

November 10, 2011


Dead giveaways that I am hormonal:

  1. Crying during United Way commercials.
  2. Attempts to make an otherwise healthy breakfast resemble a chocolate bar.

Let’s skip over the whole United Way thing. I tried to explain it to someone and ended up sounding crazy. Story. Of. My. Life. Anyway, oatmeal.

I wanted to make Chocolate Covered Katie’s recipe but had only about 28% of the ingredients plus some Ritz Crackers. So I made up my own. And let me tell you–its going to be a staple around here.

ALMOND JOY OATMEAL

  • 1/2 cup old fashioned oatmeal
  • 1 packet of Stevia
  • 1 T unsweetened, shredded coconut
  • A few chocolate chips
  • 1 cup unsweetened chocolate almond milk

Cook your oatmeal and add the rest of the ingredients, then stir it up until it is melty and chocolately and makes you feel inspired and weepy. Just like a United Way commercial about creating jobs. (It was sad, okay?)

(Calories=270. Joy Factor=97.)

You Have to Read: The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid, by Bill Bryson

November 4, 2011


 People, listen up.

I feel the need. The need to read.

Please know that every book I recommend I am downright passionate about. This one is no exception.

I read Bill Bryson’s The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid at the recommendation of my dad who kept referring to a character named “Milton Milton” and then cracking up. Clearly I needed to investigate.

It is a memoir of Bryson’s life growing up in the 50′s smack dab in the middle of suburban USA. He looks at all the ridiculousness of that time period (think people picnicking at nuclear bomb testing sites and bragging about their Nimbus 5000 refrigerators) with such an affection that it made me wish I’d been there to see it.

Hilarious content aside, this man can write. Really really write. I kept getting fixated on sentences that were just so perfect and whitty that I could feel my skin turning a delicate shade of emerald green.

And if all that doesn’t convince you, this book contains the single greatest belly flop scene in the history of American literature. That alone is worth a read.

You can also check out this animated excerpt of the book, which shows one of the funniest scenes in the novel.  Enjoy!

What is the funniest book you have ever read?